The Children Are Our Future; Brainwash Them Early

Yesterday I was walking to the Italian fair happening in my neighborhood (Italians have these things called Zeppoles which are just fried balls of dough. I feel they lack the pompous complexity of funnel cakes.) and I heard a man speaking to what I am guessing was his four, maybe five-year-old daughter. He said, "No, sweetie. There hasn't been a Democrat president in a long time. The last president was named Clinton, and he wasn't the best president, but he was a lot better than the guy we have now."

I felt some sort of "Halleluiah" type response was in order.

He kept going--talking in a sing-songy voice that parents use when telling their kids about what the moon is or why we don't put glue in our brother's hair--saying, "The president we have now isn't a Democrat, honey. He's just a jackass."

You gotta admire this father's determination to give his kid the straight talk while she's still sleeping with the night light on. Here are what I assume will be the conversations she has with her father at various points in the future.

Six Years-Old: "Honey, your mother and I got married too early in life and then got bogged down by having children, which made it impossible for us to lead happy and fulfilled lives, despite the facade of matrimonial bliss we put on for your benefit. Now my only happiness comes from fantasizing about my secretary and awaiting the day I become impotent."

Seven Years-Old: "Your mother and I will most likely die before you will, and Nana and Papa might as well have a foot in the grave already."

Nine Years-Old: "Capitalism will steal your soul and make you wish ill will upon your fellow man."

Sixteen Years-Old: "God is dead."