Amazing Tales From Mediocre Jobs

I have worked in various customer service jobs since I was 16. This means I receive all the respect and courtesy of your average, thieving crack whore, except I lose a fifth of my income to taxes.

Here are some true things people have said to me in these jobs--complaints, questions, or generally idiotic statements. For your reference, I have indicated my salary per hour for each job, so you can accurately assess how little I cared:

Food Prep and Taking Orders, Godfather's Pizza--$5.25/hr.

"Do onions come standard on every pizza?"

"I brought a can of corn. Will you put it on my pizza?"

"Last time I ordered a pizza you cut it into an odd number of slices. Can we make sure that doesn't happen again?"

"I don't know the address of the house I'm at. I'll just stand outside and wait for the delivery guy."

Sales Associate, Banana Republic--$6.20/hr

Woman in dressing room I have never seen before: "Can you see my breast-feeding pads through this shirt?"

Strange Man in Dressing Room: "These pants are kind of tight in my penis area."
Me: "Would you like me to get you a bigger size?"
Strange Man: "No. I'm pretty sure I'll always have that problem."

"I was just wondering... what is your policy on theft?"

"This shirt should really come in red, too."

Front Desk Staff, YMCA--$8/hr.

"The parking garage underneath the building should be larger. It needs a whole other level in it."

"I paid for my daughter to take swimming classes these last two months, but we forgot and never came. I want my money back."

"Some of the other women in the ladies locker room are too naked for too long."

"The soap in the bathroom doesn't suds enough."

Child Care, YMCA--$8/hr

"My child is only 1 and a half but I'm trying to potty train him early. You'll need to ask him if he needs to use the bathroom about once every five minutes, and sometimes he'll say no when he means yes."

"My daughter is throwing a tantrum? Well that's probably because you put her in a time-out for throwing blocks at the other kids."

Pro Shop Staff, Georgetown Country Club--$9/hr

"The golf course is overly maintained." [This was a complaint.]

"OK, remember my face because I don't want to have to show you my membership card again."

"Can you make sure my child buys only healthy snacks with the money I give him for the pool?"

"Is there something you can do about all the children around here today?"